JOIN AND JOURNEY

“For better for worse; with all our imperfections, we shall work out our affection, control our emotions, avoid commotion, overcome traditions, to make a perfect match.” – True love is a bliss, not because it shares blissful moments only, but because it cares about sorrowful moments. Wherever two are gathered in the name of love, peace cannot be acknowledged without conflict. After all the partners have different blood, with different upbringings not to mention different definitions of what love means. Falling in love is sweet and easy. But falling out of it is even easier.

To begin with, Conflict simply implies that once there was one complete piece but now it is broken into many. In a love relationship, there is conflict when there is a clash of expectations from your partner. The expectations might be emotional, behavioral, duty-wise or sometimes financial. When your expectations are turned down, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction, incompleteness, mistrust, just to mention a few. Long lasting relationships are a long-lasting process of cultivation of the same, that begins with conflict resolution. To put it pointblank, wherever there is love there is conflict. Otherwise, you are living a lie. Face the reality, JOIN the pieces AND JOURNEY on.

Stay calm, control your emotions to understand the position and interests of your partner. In a nutshell, here are the 6 As to join broken pieces.

STEP ONE: ACCEPTING there is a conflict.

It all starts here. You only resolve what acknowledge. Accepting the presence of conflict gives you room to step back emotionally, breathe and be sober. Remember, it has nothing to do with you admitting to have done wrong. It simply sets the stage for a candid, gentle and mature way of handling things. Encourage yourself and your partner as well to accept that your differences have now come out and that you are not on the same page. It is practically impossible to make peace with someone who is ignorant the presence of the breakdown. Partners must accept and admit that things are not right regardless of who is to be blamed. The knowledge of this helps to bring everyone on board and lays a proper foundation for resolution.

STEP TWO: ADDRESSING the conflict

The only way to do away with it is to talk about it. If you feel wronged, this is your opportunity to address the issue as it is. There is no big and small issue. It qualifies to be addressed just by the fact that it has affected your emotions. Give the overview of the problem and the scope. Be careful not to judge, nag nor taunt at this point. It is very possible especially when you feel wronged.

STEP THREE: ATTEND to one another.

This is a listening time. Listen to understand and not to respond. Give each other, especially the one you feel has wronged you, enough time to express her/himself. Do not interrupt with nuisance. Self-control is major here because the accused can be very annoying in acting in defence.

STEP FOUR: ANALYZE the situation as spoken your partner.

Bring him/her on board. Previously it has been time for one person at a time. At this stage now, you may Initiate a conversation with partner by asking questions out of what has been said before. Questions you ask may aim to clarify some issues that might not be clear. Also in this step, give the partner an opportunity to react on the allegations. In this stage, the real problem will come out. Give possible solutions as you identify opportunities for compromise. Love is compromise. In one time or the other you may need to compromise your ego, to make peace. After all, no one is perfect, yet we must make a perfect match out of this.

STEP FIVE: ADVICE accordingly.

With a lot of gentleness and love, use your understanding and maybe experience to advice your partner. You are allowed somehow to be selfish and use this time to tell the partner how you would love to be treated next time in such a situation. This does not mean that you are ruling out the situation. In some situations, you might find out that you were on the wrong. Give suggestions that will lead to a better relationship in future.

STEP SIX: AGREE and APOLOGIZE

Apology is not for the weak and drunk; it is for the strong and sober. If after analyzing you find out you were on the wrong side, quickly apologize. If you were on the right side, its not your time to celebrate. Apologize too because maybe you didn’t give your partner a chance to know you better. S/he could not have done that which will make you angry. Agreeing and apologizing even when on the right side simply means that sharing the low moment with your partner. You aren’t lowering their esteem as they think they are the only ones ruining the relationship, or they are the bad ones here.

Parting shot:

The main objective of conflict resolution process is neither to acquire what is rightfully yours nor to prove yourself right or wrong, but it to end conflict; this is the primary goal. Do not jump out. JOIN and JOURNEY on.

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